New Year's eve

After a lot of speculation regarding what to do for the eve, went with the rest for a party. Somehow I was in no mood for dancing or being in a party. But anything better than sitting alone in my room on new year's eve. I was a little agitated ( with I do not know what) and needed to calm down, to shift gears. Just did not know how.
There are times when all I look for when I began my quest for relaxation is peace of mind. Sitting in my room thinking of getting ready for the party was beginning of this quest which I felt I would certainly not get in a party with people drinking and dancing. I was frazzled. It felt like... I was not running my life, instead, it was running me.
However, got a nice surprise from a friend who reached the party without informing me. I felt it wouldnt be that bad after all. After a few hellos and fake smiles during social interaction, I was tired of it. Such places for me are not fun. It certainly does not solve any problems. It is just a "jump and run away" option. However, last night it worked. As the minutes turned into hours, my attention shifted from the jumble of thoughts racing through my mind to observing people around. A little later all the agitation and sadness which unconciously existed in mind came out in the form of tears. And ultimately absolute calmness.