Restless soul

I have never found myself so restless. I thought back to campus life would be relaxed. Certainly, it is relaxed. But the calmness just refuses to visit. I have lectures for just 24 hours in the whole week compared to 12 hours per day in the previous 2 semesters, which means there is a lot of time in hand. Somehow, the time is simply getting wasted because of the restlessness.

I love visiting my room window to just stare at the hills. It is beautiful how the hills change colors with every rainfall and then again when the sun comes out shining bright. As evening approaches, the fierce wind becomes chillier and I appreciate the beauty of the monsoons by getting drenched. The fast changing weather is so much in line with my mood right now which sees a different face every minute. At one moment I see a cloud on the horizon and the next moment I am on cloud nine.

At the back of my head, a feeling of confusion and unawareness persists. The feeling that something is about to go horribly wrong, but hasn’t just yet has stared dominating my mind. It feels like the quiet before the storm.

Such a mood early morning kind of scares me. Seems like I have adopted the restlessness of the hustle bustle going on in the campus. I just hope it rains, and doesn’t pour. I hope I do not get buried under the weather.

Just!

A week more in Hyderabad which will be spent staring at some non earthly numbers on the Balance Sheet of some company which I didn’t know ever existed. Am I glad the two month stay is over? Yes, I am! I definitely am. There are a lot of things I am looking forward to after Hyderabad. But without doubt this city has taught me a lot. Every new place does. Every new situation does. I had a lot of fun. In fact, I explored this city with people I hardly know or rather didn’t know at all. Strange yes but the bottom line is, I enjoyed myself.

I have cribbed away in glory about going back home and a few friends have been sweet enough to tolerate my cribbing every time. I have done random things like picking up my bags and sitting in a bus to Bangalore, having a blast in the weekend and coming back. I have stayed up till 4 am talking to people online or on the phone and reaching office ‘almost’ on time next morning. I have observed people around, developed opinions, changed opinions and then concluded I don’t care and I should have stopped at the observation stage. I have sat in office till 2 am during summer internship (I wish I had not. At least I would have had a record of leaving office on the same day!!)

I have already called up Mommy and told her what I want to eat when I reach home in 6 days! Seriously, there is no place better than home. After staying away from home for exactly a year now (joined MBA on 1^st June last year), I can definitely say- The comfort which was once a habit, is now a luxury. And the worst feeling is knowing that it will be a luxury forever now. But I am really going to make the most of the longest stay at home in the last year which starts next weekend (2 weeks!!!). My plans for the vacation- Sleep, Eat, Talk to Mom, Shop, Go out with Bhai, Read…. Sleep, Eat……………………and that’s how the stay is going to end. Or rather that is how I want it to end.

It’s has become a cyclical process…home….away from home….then home….then run away from it. But staying away is an experience in itself! J Mwah! I love everything around right now!

Hyderabad...

Cribbing, cribbing and more cribbing about leaving Delhi did not work like always. Not too much of a choice but to come to this insanely far and secluded end of the world…..Gacchibowli, Hyderabad. Doesn’t the name of the place itself indicate the development of the place??! HUH!? Do not know why companies make their offices where there is no civilization around. ( Cost saving…!! Obviously! But still I would prefer saying…I do not know! J) Somehow, since I have left Delhi, I have always been in these IT SEZs ( first Pune and now Hyderabad) where there is nothing else but company buildings! Again I feel like saying…cement! Cement! & more Cement! Nothing else. And the irony of the situation is… I have no connection whatsoever (other than a few friends in this sector) with IT. I do not understand technology. I do not wish to. My life is simple without the techy world…..( Though I hate to admit that I know it would be much simpler if I understood technology)

Running around finding an apartment was tiring. Properties! Phew! It’s a crazy dirty affair! But thankfully! The crucial important necessity to live –getting a roof over my head! Is done now! So Yipeee!

First morning in this part of the world (should have written India, but I am somehow getting a weird pleasure by exaggerating my Hyderabad stay..hehe) has been quite decent. Had a good sleep before work starts tomorrow. Will shift into my very own first apartment today. And have a few more errands and odd jobs to keep me busy for the day………..

Time does fly...

Its 29th March 2008.End of 1st year in SCMHRD. It really swept past me. When i look back, even though a lot of changes have taken place, there was no realisation of time. And somehow there is a wierd attachment to that small place where we stay 24 hours. I guess it is matter of being habitual and this place has surely sucked in every breath of mine.
Sitting in the airport, waiting to go home for a week makes me feel like one of the fleet of white birds ( i do not know which one ) which fly back every evening outside college. I have to admit those birds flying past lavender color flowers and the street covered as a result of the shedding season of the flowers, is one of the most amazing and refreshing sights. Lavender and white combined together to give me a sense of peace and calmness whenever exams or other things made me hyper and restless. I guess...simply...its the power of nature... and how it can impose serenity and tranquility on us.
Somehow even though I am going to miss that little Hinjewadi place, the back to weekend life for next 2.5 months is something I am really looking forward to. I no more care about changes ( there was a time, any change would scare the hell out of me!), I no more care about what is going to happen the next day. Today is the day...and as of now...today I shall reach home ! :) "Mamma.....I am coming home ...."( quote taken from a good friend..hehe)

Peacefully peaceful

It has been a long time..n a lot has happened over the last 15 days....including my birthday:)..which was a nice one unlike most years.At midnight I was tortured by people who dirtied me with a mixture of rotten strawberries, detergent and some stale food...YUKKKKSS!!!! By morning I ended up shampooing my hair 4 times to get the rotten stink out of my hair! :P
Then had only one class throughout the day, got a few surprises and in the night went out for a nice dinner with a few friends. Peaceful. Totally peaceful.
It got over too soon ;)

The dude has shifted.So my life is now about the most obnoxiously atrocious time difference. Hopefully I will adapt to it soon, which has not happened yet. But surprisingly, I have been quite good in coping with it, much in contrast to my expectations. Staying busy helps!
It is quite weird how despite my being engaged, I have certain thoughts at the back of my head, thoughts which I have been deliberately trying to suppress and ignore. I guess some things in life cannot be separated or replaced. Over the years, they have become such an integral part of our lives that nothing, absolutely nothing can take their place. And mind you, I am just talking about thoughts, whether it is about a person or just some arbit thing in my life like what I feel when I see a bird flying or what I feel when I see a child crying. It could be anything.

Thoughts I think just keep me going on. I have started cherishing every bit of it.

A choice made

I try too hard i guess. To analyse things around me. To scrutinize and find a meaning to my life.But often in vain. Well, the questions are making a haze around me, difficult for me to gaze into even the next moment.Perhaps the answer is not to find meaning, but to give it. Perhaps I should not get perplexed and just take every moment as it comes. Perhaps someday I will be able to make a difference for whom i want. Perhaps instead of drifting endlessly I should just close by eyes, take a deep breath, compartmentalize my mind, smile, look forward for a good day, and just move on. That is the choice I think I just made.

New Year's eve

After a lot of speculation regarding what to do for the eve, went with the rest for a party. Somehow I was in no mood for dancing or being in a party. But anything better than sitting alone in my room on new year's eve. I was a little agitated ( with I do not know what) and needed to calm down, to shift gears. Just did not know how.
There are times when all I look for when I began my quest for relaxation is peace of mind. Sitting in my room thinking of getting ready for the party was beginning of this quest which I felt I would certainly not get in a party with people drinking and dancing. I was frazzled. It felt like... I was not running my life, instead, it was running me.
However, got a nice surprise from a friend who reached the party without informing me. I felt it wouldnt be that bad after all. After a few hellos and fake smiles during social interaction, I was tired of it. Such places for me are not fun. It certainly does not solve any problems. It is just a "jump and run away" option. However, last night it worked. As the minutes turned into hours, my attention shifted from the jumble of thoughts racing through my mind to observing people around. A little later all the agitation and sadness which unconciously existed in mind came out in the form of tears. And ultimately absolute calmness.